If I Could Turn Back Time
by Coffeebean0113
Summary: Ch 4 a/n up!AU.Jess is a psychiatrist.Rory is severely depressed, living in New York.Rory and Jess have a twisted past together. When fate brings theese two old friends together, what will it take for them to find the healing warmth of love?
1. Chapter 1

**If I Could Turn Back Time…******

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with Gilmore Girls.

**Chapter 1**

A/N: Hey, everybody!! I'm back…with a darker, AU fic this time! I was inspired by a story by Smile – Shattered (It's a great story if you haven't read it) to write something other than a fluffy fic. Don't worry – this will remain Lit…but it will be darker, and just to warn you, I plan on putting in some heavy stuff (i.e. suicidal thoughts) so beware! Now, on with the story….oh ya, and PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I need to know whether you guys like the idea and the story, etc. so drop a line after you read! Thanks!

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It wasn't supposed to turn out this way.  Everyone, including myself, thought that I'd become some best-selling author by age 21.  But instead, I decided to turn my life around.  I am now 25, fresh out of college with a shiny new degree in psychology.  I know, I know.  Everyone kept saying…Jess Mariano? Psychology? Those words don't find themselves together in one sentence normally.  But then again, I'm not normal. I thought I had it all.  That is, until one day last week when I found an old copy of Oliver Twist lying in my bookshelf.  I opened it up, after deciding to reread this old classic for the hundredth time.  Something rectangular fell out onto the floor.  It was a picture of us.  Her.  The girl who was the goddess of my life for my last year in high school.  How could I have been so stupid s to let her go?  Memories of us together in that cheery town were flashing through my mind.  The memory of us on that fatal parting day.

_I'll Miss you, Dodger._

_I'll miss you too, Ror, but I think it's best for both of us._

_I know you're probably right, but I can't bring myself to admit it._

_Try, for me Rory. Do you think this is easy for me? I love you with all my heart and well-being. But try to understand.  You have been the one who has inspired me to become someone who helps people like I was before I came here.  I have to go to college, just like you.  Don't worry, Ror.  If we are meant to be together, we'll find each other.  Fate will guide us to where we're meant to be._

_Really?__ I trust in you with all my heart, so let's try to make this a good last memory, OK?_

_OK, Rory. _

_The bus came rambling up the bumpy road, and screeched to a stop in front of us.   _ 

_This is it, Dodger. Our last goodbye._

_Don't make this a goodbye, Rory.  Make it a parting for the time being.  We'll see each other again._

_I then grabbed her into my arms  for what I knew deep down would be the last time I saw her, but I didn't want to believe it.  I gave her the sweetest kiss my emotions would let me give, and then climbed onto the bus and whispered:_

_"I'll call you, Rory"_

_She started to cry and mustered a sweet "I love you, Jess" before turning and running toward home._

Oh, shit. What was I doing to myself? I sat on my bed and immersed myself in the words of the timeless classic.

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Rory Gilmore walked into her apartment and called out to her roommate.

"Lana, I'm Home"

She then collapsed onto the couch and started sobbing softly to herself.

Lana entered the room and stood, framed by the doorway.  

"What is it this time?" she said, impatiently.

"Tim dumped me today. Geez, Lana. I feel like the whole world is falling down around me.  First my job, my boss, and now this."

She let out a few more sobs before Lana interrupted and spoke in a soothing voice

"Listen, let me go make you some coffee to calm you down, then you watch some TV. Tomorrow you are going to see this great psychiatrist I heard about from Jessie."  

"No, Lana. I'm not going to a shrink.  I'm not that messed up, geez."

"Look, Rory. I'm your roommate, and I don't want to put up with you moping and sobbing 24/7.  That aside, I'm your friend and am seriously worried about you.  You are going to this doctor whether you like it or not. Besides", she said with a grin, "I hear he's hot too!"

*The next morning*

"G'morning, Rory!"

Rory let out a groan, when visions of yesterday flew through her head and she thought of going to that damn shrink.

"Now get dressed while I write down his address for you."

Rory, glad for instructions, went to her room and pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.  When she came out, Lana handed her a piece of paper.

"Now go and have an open mind.  These doctors are highly trained in dealing with people like you."

"I know, I know."

She stumbled out the door and into an elevator. She looked at the piece of paper Lana had given her.

"Dr. Jess Mariano

1459 West 35th Street

Suite 6, Floor 3

The John Wilton Carriage House" 


	2. Chapter 2

**If I Could Turn Back Time**

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with the Gilmore Girls.

**Chapter 2**

A/N: Hey, everyone! I have one thing to address to AvidTVfan: I only have 2 stories on the site, and I haven't updated the other one for a while. I think you might have gotten confused and mistaken me for Oy-with-the-poodles, because I read the reviews for one story of theirs and you posted the same review you did for this story. Not that I minded, but I am NOT Oy-with-the-poodles! For the future check the author before you post something like that. Thanks! Anyway, for the rest of you, here's the next chapter.  Also, if you read, try to drop me a line because I love hearing if it's great or even if it sucks! Just tell me and constructive criticism is welcome as well. So try to hit the purple button before you go on to the next story. Thanks!

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Rory walked to the building, following Lana's instructions and going by the address on the piece of paper.  While she walked, she had several thoughts going through her head.

_What is he doing here, in __New York__? I knew he would become a psychiatrist, but why did he have to be the one I'm going to? Maybe he was right, and fate brought us together again.  What if he acts like he's never seen me before? How will I handle that? And what if he remembers me and wants to go out with me again? __How will I handle that either? I mean, I just broke up with Tim, and I'm getting over that. I can't handle another relationship, especially one with Jess. Geez, Gilmore…snap out of it! Just go in there and pretend like he's any other doctor that you didn't know. Let him take the lead. If he wants to talk or anything, let him. Be calm, cool, and collected. Don't act desperate like you've been pining for him, but don't act like you don't are either. Oh god dammit, just go in!_

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Rory walked into the front office. She saw a young woman, obviously the secretary.

"Rory Gilmore. I have an appointment with Jess Mariano" She spoke softly so as not to let Jess hear her. She wanted him to be as unprepared for this meeting as she was.

"Oh, yes. He'll be right with you."

Rory sat down in a brown leather chair and picked up a magazine. When the secretary got up and went into Jess' office, she found herself shaking.  She heard the secretary tell Jess who she was.

"There's a Rory Gilmore here to see you, Mr. Mariano" 

She could almost picture him, taken aback but careful not to show emotion.

"Thanks, Betty. Send her in."

Rory got up, too nervous to respond when the secretary told her to go right in. She walked slowly in through the door. She looked straight into those deep, dark eyes and said "Hi, Jess."

"Hi, Ms. Gilmore. What seems to be the problem?"

"Everything…"

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A/N: Drop a line…hope you liked it! I'll have the next chapter up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**If I Could Turn Back Time**

Disclaimer: I won nothing associated with the Gilmore Girls.

**Chapter 3**

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and please review this chapter as well! Thanks!

"Look, Rory. If you came here thinking that you could just get back together with me like I'd been pining for you for all these years, then you're wrong. I know what I said about how we'd see each other again and that it wasn't over, but I've moved on – "

"Jess…it's not what it seems.  I really have problems. I didn't come here to get you back; in fact I didn't know you were here until this morning when I was coming here. I've been having some problems in my life and my roommate Lana sent me here.  She heard about you from a friend. I had no idea you worked here in New York.  As for the things you said, I know you haven't been pining for me, because I haven't been pining for you.  I have had several boyfriends, and incidentally, one just broke up with me last night.  As you can probably tell by now, I'm not ready to have another relationship, especially not with you. Now I would really like it if we could go through this session as if we have never met, and if that's too hard for you, then recommend me to someone else.  I really need help, and you've always been so good at comforting me."

"Well then, let's start by asking you what your problems have been, and tell me a little about yourself."

"Let's see…I was born and raised by a single mom in the small Connecticut town of Stars Hollow. I had two boyfriends in high school – one who was highly protective and thought I loved someone else so he broke up with me, and the other was the town "bad boy" who loved me to death and then up and left me right out of high school.  I went to New York to Columbia University and had several abusing boyfriends, all of whom I cannot name because most of them I've met while being drunk or high, and now I'm clean and sober, having just broken up with my first ever real boyfriend since high school.  I was just fired last week from the New York Tribune as a secretary, but that's ok because I would have left anyway because my boss beat me every time I did something the slightest bit wrong.  So, in summation, I have been a druggy and an alcoholic, have no job as of now, and also am severely depressed and often think seriously about killing myself.  How's that?

"Oh my gosh, Rory, I had no idea whatsoever.  Why didn't you get help? Why didn't you talk to someone? "

"Gee, Jess, maybe it's because you were the last person I've ever met who I felt I could truly confide in, and since 7 years ago you hopped on a bus and left without an explanation!"

"Shit, Rory! I thought we were keeping this professional!"

"Well, it's kinda hard when you play into half of my history!"

"Look, here's the thing…I can't help you because every time I look at you I feel guilty –"

"Oh man, Jess! It's not about guilt!"

"Look, Rory! Just let me finish what I was gonna say!"

"Fine!"

"Anyway, I feel guilty that I wasted 7 years of my life that could have been with you.  I love you Rory, and I would never have let you go if I had known what it would have done to you. Please forgive me and give me another chance!"

~At this point, they run toward each other and share a deep, passionate kiss."

"I'm sorry, Jess…I'm so so sorry…"

A/N: How'd you like it? Drop a line and tell me! Next Chapter will be here soon…and ideas are welcome as well! 


	4. Author's Note

**If I Could Turn Back Time**

This is just an Author's note letting you know some stuff…

Hey everyone! Just to let you know…they aren't really together yet…there will be a complication posed in the next chapter which is brewing in my head right now. I couldn't just make it be that easy! Hehe anyway, thanks to the people who reviewed and the next chapter will be up in the next few days…I'm busy with studying for like ten tests this week b/c the midterm ends soon and all the evil teachers are giving tests and that's probably why the last chapter seemed weird…rushed…but I really wanted to get the session onto paper (or computer hehe!) and out there because I know y'all were waiting for it! But anyway I know Rory is out of character but hey, it's AU so I'm allowed to tweak the characters to my own liking, right? Anyway, I'll have the next chapter up at least by this weekend when my head is clear and I can focus on this story. When the next chapter gets up…review!!!! It helps soooo much to have feedback and it's so encouraging to me, the author to know that you like it or even if you think it sucks! So, in summation, the next chapter should be interesting…stay tuned!


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